Tuesday, February 21, 2012

first world problems

and now for a little installment i like to call first world problems.

i usually try not to complain about life's minor inconveniences, because let's face it, while there are certainly some annoying things in life,  we really have it pretty good.  there are much MUCH bigger issues to discuss that very few of us can begin to relate to, but every now again something stupid puts a death grip on my nerves and I feel the need to wiggle out by way of whining.

so let's jump in shall we?  i am not a smoker.  have I ever smoked?  mom/dad/alex, are you reading this?  maybe/allegedly i did it once or twice in college and during a brief identity crisis just after graduation.  you know that time in life when it makes total sense to bartend until 4 am through the grace of red bull and nicotine?  but I've never been a full blown smoker nor have i ever owned my own pack of cigarettes.

see how i justified it there?

bottom line: smokers stink and my apologies if you are in fact a smoker.  you do in fact smell.  please accept my public service announcement in making you aware of this if you didn't already know it to be true.

i have a very hyperactive sense of smell and an attitude problem in the early am.  prior to having the required dose of caffeine i wake up, shower up, dress up, communicate with husband, seven year-old  and cats who think toilets are for drinking.

so far everything is going great and it's just any other day.  smell is not an issue and attitude has not yet come into play.

but then i get to the main doors of my office where a ridiculously large crowd of people have gathered to kick-start the morning with a marlboro and suddenly cats licking toilets isn't the most disgusting thing that has happened today.

there is usually a huge debate that happens in my head at this point.  do i wait it out?  see if they all go in soon?  see if more join?  do i make a break for it?  run quickly through them hoping to somehow escape the giant cloud that now covers the entire entryway?  do I run through waving my hands in utter disgust coughing obnoxiously and hacking with gusto?  do i glare at them?  stare at them?  walk through them with stink bombs?  no seriously.... is this legal?  i would like to do this.

i'm open to suggestions and would love to get yours.  i need a way to say:  seriously people, you might not care about your impending wrinkles, stench and death, but i do happen to care about the scent of all of those things lingering in my hair and on my clothes for the remainder of the day.  i get all of your suck-y stench with none of the buzz-y benefits and it stinks.

obviously we work together so let's actually work together.  if you need a disgusting habit, let's see if we can put our smelly heads of hair together and come up with one for you.  and in the event that we can't think of something less disgusting for you to try, i know a couple of felines who might be able to weigh in...


  1. Our office property management has outlawed smoking within 15 ft of our entrances....have you thought about contacting your property manager?

  2. A lot of corporations/businesses have outlawed it on their entire campuses. I know Cerner Corp. did this when I worked there. Most hospitals do this as well...seems like a no brainer doesn't it???

  3. Is there not a designated smoking area that is not directly in front of the door? We have one that is down the side of the building and down a flight of stairs into this little hole where they can smoke. :)


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